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cuckoo

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i dont know how i feel.
well this was a little while ago, we were at the mall and i put on that headband and it reminded you of your ex, i dont know why. it scared me, freaked me out. why does it remind you of her, is it a good memorie? you smiled so i figured it was good. i sabotage my relationships, i wonder if i can have any. maybe i'm suppossed to be alone. i dont want to be alone though. i don't know. maybe everything was rushed. we don't talk as much, maybe because you are working. for some reason i got angry when you put on the family guy. haha i had a headache. i thought it was inconsiderate, like you forgot about me, like you didnt love me. i know its weird. i hate myself, i cant really stand myself sometimes, i hate that i always cry, its weak, i cry everynight, for various reasons, secretive ones and not so ones. can i ever be satisfied? why is it so difficult for me to answer simple questions , i cant be around anyone maybe. im not perfect.

there was no call. haha only when i was sad. .. i can be pathetic for no apparent reason.
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oh we more than just met now. the party was great. hahaha first kiss in the street, phone numbers exchanged. glad that you're in my life. it doesn't feel lonely anymore. hmm cookies we had today. i'm happy when you tell me i'm beautiful, i feel beautiful. second day was fun , i forgot what we did. i think we went to victoria gardens and looked at the stores, and visited veronica. and we were lost. fun times , kisses in the car. hmm i think then we just hanged out in your house, and listened to music, kissed a lot; tried to put your music into my ipod, muse cd and irish love stories book.. your friends came over, fun times, more kisses, intense. dinner made by greg, very good, only had few bites. drunk people, warm bed , bouncy. haha . no one hear anything; i think. have been great days so far, farmers market , my friends like you and they say we act cute together. must get pictures.
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yes im happy. but im missing you. seriously. its weird. but we just met. eeeeeeeeeekkk.
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nothing very eventful. thinking that the world is collapsing/ i cant spell anymore. this seems bothers me. have weird dreams. about kissing random coworkers????? whaaat. yes. repetitions. i went to a festival like thing. not crowded . probably because it was rainy or gray. it was interesting. i think i dont like to be alone. ........
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everyday reminders of past . missed .
work. eh. at least in bakery. do some dumb things. i think i messed up the carrot cake. the top at least. not very nice. peeled apples. getting stuff. sweets too good its bad.
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so news. i am transferring to the baking deparment. all goo. no one checks this so who cares. i saw a new hot guy. that makes three. eee. i want to love someone. i dont know why . but seriously i need to get out.
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it was weird. daniele sent me a text and he said he loved me. ......... that made me feel weird. and he kept saying it, but he was drunk / i dont know if he wanted me to say it back. isnt that weird. i dont know. no one reads this so its ok. it actually made me wonder. and i wondered if he was depressed and needed some love or something.
then a day later or something. three of the people that work in the kitchen got in an argument with the head chef. it was all weird . these days. ...
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ahahaahhahahah.
yea. its so much.
i was supposed to go to fontana
brrrrr. tomarrow.
i need new piccies.
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working swing. 4 to 12.
at least i get free food. and i eventually can get a 401K whatever that is. sounds good.
i think thats what happened and then they thought they had aids. i guess dont have sex with someone that isnt your partner. hmm. dont be a slut. ...i cant really shower.. .. but i did. i like hot water. feels good. to the flesh. clean. oh i have to change my undergarments tonight. i have to walk just to get to the garage.
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sleep with another person if your boyfriend/girlfriend asked you to?

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